SUNDAY/MONDAY
the energy I am writing this with now is unlike other blog attempts before. maybe it's because I finally have earbuds and am blasting the Hives through my eardrums and into my bloodstream. Or maybe it's the half drunk jar of dark green smoothie sitting next to me. I'm banking on combination and either way I can't stop dancing back and forth in a perpetual head-bob shoulder shimmer body shake. some good old rock and roll in the coffee shop sunday din of activity. man, what a smattering of folk round these parts, almost like always. caffiene hungry and walking gathering talking typing writing facebookchecking dressed to the teeth and laughing.
it's a beautiful day here and of the good crisp nature, a proper fall. been raining like crazy lately and every day has been wet wet wet and although wonderful a bit gloom and doom just the same. so hurrah for sunshine and sweaters and breathing in cold air. hurrah for fall and for feeling home. home. Hmmm. an interesting concept. i'm in the process of nestling in, building community, getting my feet on solid ground...trying like hell to keep that arrow pointed straight without letting those worryin' shakes sway my pace. I found a place to live for $200 bucks a month starting the 15th, and can choose to pay weekly if I choose to fly the coop for a bit. Yes, apparantly that can happen. Good things DO happen, a lot and often. I can't tell you how much I'm reeeally looking forward to moving into a "place of my own" although right now that definition still involves living with a woman and her 15 year old son...at least I've got a closet and drawers, some surface space and a bed to myself! Bring it on baby, I'm so ready.
I was planning on getting out of dodge for a while...going to Vermont of Maine or even Halifax...the further the better, really, was the idea. Just take that train and go. Write. Observe. Exist. God how romantic and adventuresome and brilliant that idea sounds to me even now. Right?Yeah, my pockets are empty, but the banks not quite, and there's magic whereever you travel with an open heart.....people to meet things to see...give me that open road freedom or give me....Saratoga Springs, NY?
Alas, WAS was the key word there, and in the meantime opportunities have presented themselves that say stay in such a way I just couldn't (or didn't really want to, rather) resist. So I'll be working with Jonathan Greene the rest of this month helping the Community Shift organization make a final push with a project they've got cookin'. He's a rock solid guy, with a great wholsome-values first attitude and I'm really happy to help out with something that has so much downright goodness behind it. Also, his other projects involve lots of writing and who knows where I may be able to jump on in the 'future'.
And yes, mom and dad, I will be getting paid for work this time around.
Now that that decision has been made I'm really trying to feel excited and mantain enthusiasm bout stickin with it, stickin around...stickin stickin...in there. Which is not such a hard thing to do, really. It's just when that travel game starts to look so appetizing, and that restless leg kicks in, with the feeling like there are changin leaves falling everywhere, and the view from this little city in my little rooms just a little too small. Gimme mountains and air and openness. Gimme caves and woods and treetops. Gimme Fiction or preferably somethin, real tanglible and colorful wanna sink my teeth in and explode from the inside out kinda happenins.
But I gota stop and ask myself: Kaitlin
When is it Adventure and when is it Escape? Wandering to Wander, in a continual exile. Loving and leaving and starting all again.
Is this a fear of commitment in not such a good disguise? Fear of "settling down" before the snow flies and the work starts and things start feeling serious? Is it that well known useless desire that seems to lurk beneath every decision of movement--if I'm here I'm not there. I'm missing out, I should go. I should be out, there, that big world in all those places I haven't seen, all those teachers I gota meet and those others I've gota teach. Someway. Through living, gota keep moving. Onward Onward Onward...
I'm being patient and I'm practicing the art of the follow through. I'm getting wiley, but I'm not giving in. Because ya know, really, things are pretty god damn great around here. Although things are definitely a bit overwhelming and stressful at times, it feels like to so blatantly ignore the way the universe is aligning things for me here would be like spitting directly in the face of a gift horse. Turning a blind eye, poo-pooing the big cheese, take your pick. I'm not moving by train or bus or plane...catching rides from strangers or walking the tops of mountains, but I am moving Onward. Inward. I know this. Every day progressing and exisiting more and more in the heart of the moment. The pulsing rhythm of life and truth.. and the catchy musical stylings of local upstate gems like Party Boat and Le Rubb. ..
Things will all straighten out soon, mentally, physically, happily, surely. I've gota believe it because it's true. I DO feel happy now and often, clarity and confidence in this path, these choices. A natural rightness with breath. I do I do I do. Especially when I look into his eyes or pump my fists victorious in a finished bit of poetry. Keep on truckin, enjoyin, livin. Be Here Now, savoring the little adventures in every day and those moments we defy 'reality' and see this life for what it is. Completely and utterly wonderfull.
Relax, Breathe, Embrace...
Laugh until you're almost dying
Then keep on going,
Teary eyed and joyful through this Life
In all its Dirt and Wonders.
Thank You
xo KM
